Another false trail?

School. What to do, what to do, what to do – the discrepancy between my own sense of success and happiness and the type of success and happiness that school is supposed to offer is, to say nothing of being loaded with laziness and a history of school-related anxiety, deep. This whole institution kinda blows… but...

Unlike other institutions I’ve got issues with (sing this with me: Wendy does not hate everything, she doesn’t, she doesn’t!), the educational one is actually something that offers something I really, truly crave. There may be a bunch of rules and addendums I’m not particularly fond of and the system itself might be turning into a consumer-producing machine faster than you can say capitalism, but as of yet it’s still offering some of the things that I crave most: learning how to think things through, learning how to see a truth that is as close to objective as is humanly possible, and learning how to understand my own (and my fellow humans’) sense(s) of subjectivity.

I have struggled with school. In fact, according to my Mom (and my sketchy, faded memories), I have ALWAYS struggle with school. I just don’t like it. But I crave enough of what it’s offering me to put up with (what in my eyes amounts to) its bullshit. So while the idea of focusing on a major seems kind of ridiculous to me (WTF? I don’t know shit about shit – how am I supposed to decide what to focus on when I don’t even have the basic general knowledge to know what ‘what’ is?), I think the path may be laying itself out, or rather, I may have found a path to actively pursue with a hammer and beat into submission. (Cause that’s what you do to paths, amiright?)

Philosophy…

Yup. The non-major. The ‘we’re not going to give you ANY ANSWERS, EVER! We’re just going to confound you with questions until your BRAIN EXPLODES!’ major. The major you can’t do shit with. (I think that’s a myth. I can’t imagine a major I could do MORE with…)

However, so far I’ve thought about these majors: Sociology, Creative Writing, Religion, Gender Studies, Physics, Psychology, Linguistics, Art, etc. I’ve thought about doubling. I’ve thought about having two majors and two minors. I’ve told people, I’m going to be a Creative Writing & Sociology double. I’ve told people, I’m definitely a Creative Writing major, religion minor. Maybe I’ll also minor in this other thing over there… I mean, God damn, it’s all just so… so… uh. Something.

And I just had a discussion with my Logic instructor and here’s what she told me:

In philosophy you can focus on: philosophy of science, biology, sexuality, art, ethics, language, translations (I’ve started thinking I might want to be a translator of some sort), logic and reasoning, etc.

HOLY CRAP LOOK IT’S MY DESIRE TO NEVER SETTLE DOWN IN A FORM I CAN SETTLE DOWN IN.

So. I’mma meet up with her once I’ve come up with some things to tell her I’m interested in, maybe get coffee with her which would be six different kindsa awesome cause she is verily interesting and I’d love to talk to her more about the subject matter… I feel clear and focused when thinking about logic. I can use logic to look at anything else in the world and gain a better understanding of it.

So.

Decision (possibly…) made. O_o for now.